'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
