My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
