if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
