omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
