Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
