You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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