Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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