btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
