You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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