I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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