ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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