We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
