You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
