I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
