she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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