I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Can Purell be used as lube?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
