my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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