Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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