I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
