Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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