He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
