I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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