Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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