you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
