nut hugger
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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