So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
