At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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