I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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