he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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