I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
