No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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