My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
