i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
