My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
