I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
