i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
