you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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