She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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