i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
