if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
