It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
