I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
