my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
