trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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