Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
His nipple licking is glorious
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