Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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