Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
