Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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