Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
