Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
bring money and cleavage
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
